So big, so strong, so confident. I cannot believe that four years have passed this quickly and yet it seems as though he has always been here with us. Saturday we celebrated Noah’s fourth birthday.

As a Mother it is impossible to remember a time when your children were not a part of your life. They fill your heart in such a way, that it doesn’t seem possible that you existed before them. Noah has brought so much to our lives and I am so grateful that he chose us as his family. Every birthday, we tell a story of how they used to live with the angels, and upon seeing Earth, decided they would like to come and live here for a time. Their Guardian Angel tells them to sleep and dream of their parents and when they awake they tell their angel who in turn, finds his parents on Earth and tells them to prepare down on Earth for his arrival. After nine long months, his Earth body is ready and his Angel walks him down across the Rainbow Bridge and turns him over to his Parents, who promise to love and protect him all of his days here on Earth. His Angel watches over him from above, and his parents watch over him down here.

Every year I tell this story, I am so thankful that these two boys chose me as their Mother, that they chose us as their parents. Four years ago, after five days of labour, Noah crossed over the Rainbow Bridge to join our family. He has brought so much love with him. He is our levity to an otherwise serious and sometimes anxious family. He is confident and sure footed. He walks this Earth as an old soul, one who has traveled this path  many, many times. He is fearless. He is loving. He is affectionate. He is silly and very quirky. He is headstrong and stubborn like his Mama. He is kind and good hearted like his Dadda. If I had to pick one word, though to describe Noah, it would be joyous. Noah is filled with Joy.

So as we begin another turn around the sun, my dear little brown eyed boy, I wish you many happy returns of the day. I hope that your heart will always be filled with love and light and joy. I hope that the sun shines upon you always, and I hope you always know how much it means to me to be your Mama.

Every year at this time in Ottawa, a beautiful thing starts to happen. All around the Parliament Buildings, all over Dow’s Lake, around neighborhoods all over the city, thousands and thousands of tulips come into bloom. Why the obsession with tulips? It is a two fold tale. First, Canada housed the Dutch Royal family during WWII. Princess Margriet was born here. The Canadian Army also helped to liberate the Netherlands from Nazi control. After the war, as a gift of gratitude, Princess Juliana sent 100,000 tulips bulbs to Canada. The next year she sent another 20,000, and to this day there are close to a million tulips that come into bloom for the world’s largest tulip festival. It is a really wonderful story and a gem in Canadian history. You can read more about it all here.

We have never made it out before. We always seem to miss it somehow, but oh did we ever hit it just right this year! The weather was warm and sunny, the skies were clear, and the tulips, oh the tulips. Stunning was a word that was used more than once. The boys couldn’t get over the colours and the smell.

We took our time and slowly walked along the path. We stopped to smell all the colours, just to see if the red smelled any different from the yellow. We read the signs explaining the story and learned a bit of history. We nibbled some sandwiches, we saw some friends, and we learned about a new game, Bocci Ball. It has already been asked for and I have instructions to look up rules and proper etiquette for play.

It was a lovely few hours. After the weekend’s rain and cold temperatures, I am not sure the tulips will be the same this week. It was pure luck that we timed it so well, and I am so glad we did. It is the simple little things, these simple traditions that I want to give the boys. It’s true, that they might sit around when they are in their thirties and laugh at me for dragging them to all of the crazy festivals and fairs, but I like to believe that rather, they will look back fondly at all of this, at all of the simple little moments that make the days special, and maybe we will still all head out to the tulips festival together to stop and smell the flowers.

Until then, we have plans to plant our own tulips in the fall, that way, as Julien says, “If we happen to miss the tulips next year, we will have them here at home!” Not quite the same thing, but it is a wonderful idea.

{this moment}

Inspired by SouleMama.
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{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

This space has been quiet. I dropped in from time to time, but mostly I have been staying away. Life has been full and busy and I have been trying to take care of myself as well as everyone else and that means that instead of staying up much too late to write and “get things done”, I have been going to bed earlier, and waking up feeling rested (what a concept!). Trying to find balance in life is not a new concept. In fact, most of the people out there are dealing with it. The tricky bit is to find the balance that works for you and for your family. While I might read a beautiful blog post about letting it all go and embracing the here and now, sometimes that just isn’t the best solution. Sometimes planning for the future has to happen. Sometimes things are let go a bit too much and need to be reined back in again. That is where I am right now. Trying to look ahead a bit, trying to control the chaos that happens when you let things go for a bit too long.

Yesterday, however, we embraced the here and now. The husband has been working pretty much every waking hour for the past 6 months. Maybe more. He emerged yesterday, bleary eyed from too much time spent in front of the computer to suggest a walk. The weather here went from -7C to +25C overnight. We have been making the most of the sunny, hot weather this past week but a walk in the forest sounded lovely. We decided to go an extra step and throw in an impromptu picnic to boot.

We headed to “our trail”. A trail my children know so well, I am pretty sure you could blindfold them and they would still stay perfectly on the trail. We saw the tree sculptures that were created in the clearing not too long ago. We discovered them earlier in the week on a walk with friends and they were a must show for Dad!

We showed him the trilliums that were just starting to open.

We found all sorts of new life springing up everywhere we looked.

The boys took the lead, as they are so comfortable here. It is amazing to see. I have often said that one of the most important things I want to give my children is a sense of connection. I want them to have a place on the Earth that they truly know. To see them skip off and run up to their “thinking tree” or to the “Gnome slide tree” or race ahead yelling back that they will meet us at the “Rainbow trees” makes me feel so happy.

And so, while it was only a walk in the park and a simple picnic, it set the mood for the week. I feel somewhat balanced, somewhat at peace with things, at least for the moment. Still lots to sort out and deal with, but it will all come in time. For now, we are enjoying the sunshine and once again letting go and embracing the here and now.